The Girly Stalker
by Spotstar
Summary: After a long night in the BEGA Buffet, it mysteriously catches on fire, burning the thing down. For some reason, everybody wanders the streets and create mishap. Why aren't they going home? Or maybe...they can't. Yaoi hints are different every chapter.
1. Holy Numbchucks, Ghost!

Hello fellow readers of here! I be Spotstar, your average authoress who just so happens to have a story...  
  
"What's so interesting about that?" A voice said.  
  
This ISN'T the story! So you don't have to care, do you, Tala?

Tala smirked, "I care because you have me in the story, and I'm here to get myself out of there!"

Well too bad.  
Disclaimer: I DON'T own the Anime in which I am typing about, for, if I was, I'd be a very happy girl....I will now bow to Aoki Takao to created such a wonderful Anime. GOD BLESS YOU!!!

* * *

"HEEEELPP MEEE!!!!!!!!!!" A scream from a lady called in the middle of the night.  
  
Takao covered his ears, "I DOn'T FRIKKIN CARE IF YOU'RE BEING ROBBED! JUST SHUT UP!!!"

The woman marched into Takao's room and whacked him in the head, "Well how RUDE!!!" The lady then marched out and continued her calling for help by being robbed.

"Maybe that's why mommy went away..."

On the other side of the room, Max was playing with Barbie dolls, "Oh my god! I can't believe Ken broke up with Barbie! Now who's going to try to kill me when I rip Barbie's head off?"

Rei sweatdropped, "Uh yeah, maybe you can ask Kai to kill you, I'm sure he'll accept."

"HUZZAH!!! DOES HE HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?!?! I need to rip her head off, :P"

On the other corner, Kenny lay there with his eyes open (well, we assume...) looking at the ceiling and well smiling....or grinning actually, yeah he was grinning. He was grinning and laughing like an isane, eye-less freak, in hsi dark little corner. He rocked back and forth while chanting, "Guns...explosions....are fun! HEHEHEHEHHEE!!!!"....with a dynamite in his mouth.

"HEHEHEHEEE!!! Then I will go to Australia and throw these bombs in some Koalas!!! HAHAHAHA!!! THEN IT WILL GO BOOM AND BOOM IS PRETTY!!!"

Everybody was staring at Kenny, but decided that was normal for Kenny ever since that "incident". Kai just laid there and rested. Complaining in silence because his stupid teammates are talking about stupid things that are so damn idiotic even he didn't know people could be that idiotic....

Max smiled with joy and took a gun out of under his pillow, "LOOK! IT'S SHINY!!"  
  
"Max...where'd you get that?" The curious but calm, collected, and sometimes willing to scratch your eyes out, neko-jin asked.

"Oh, I found it inside a police car, I mean, who is stupid enough to leave a loaded gun in a car with a broken whildshield?!?! STUPID PEOPLE!!!" replied Max.

"And how did that windshield break?"

"It wasn't my fault!!! THE CAR WAS IN THE WAY!!!! I was just waving my arms one day and SMASH!!!! Dumb police people..."

Takao suddenly sat up looking at Rei and Max as if they were food,"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!" he yelled.  
  
"Shut up! You can have as much food as you want when we go to teh BEGA buffet tomorrow!!!" Kenny yelled, actually saying something that wasn't crazy, "Then I will make it go boom."

Max yawned and put the gun back under his pillow, not knowing it was sitll loaded. So he rested his on the pillow and-

BANG!!!!!  
666666666666666666666666666666  
"Welcome to the BEGA buffet! Where food is ALL YOU CAN EAT for every single person except those wearing trademarks hats with blue hair!!! How may I help you?" A lady said.  
  
Takao frowned in disappointment, "But..."

"And we can't pay for you. Someone's suing Max because his gun shot somebody..."

Takao growled, "BUT I NEED BBQ DUCK!!"  
  
Suddenly, an orange haired teen in a unique outfit jumped out screaming, "IF SOMEONE SAID BBQ DUCK I WILL PERSONALLY KILL THEM!!!"

"Hello...Brooklyn."

Kai hned, "This place doesn't serve birds. Hn."  
  
"YEAH! Can you not read that sign?" Brooklyn pointed.  
  
The sign read, "We do not serve cooked birds. If you so want them you should be ashamed and burn in hell for the rest of eternity! SO DAMN YOU!"

Rei asked, "What about raw? I'm ok with raw, hell, a bird that's still alive! Like that pretty dove on Brooklyn's shoulder, mm...dove..."

In less than 3 microseconds, a dark haired Chinese blader was kicked out of a buffet.

Max yelled, "Can we eat now? Please?!?!"

"Yeah, the many chefs are cooking it up right now. Hey look! Garland's doing the annual 'Pick a cow to eat and I'll kill it' event!" Brooklyn said.  
  
Takao ran straight to Garland, "OH! OH! KILL THAT COW!! THAT ONE!!!"

"Ok."

KICK!!!

"MOOOO!!!" The cow yelled suddenly getting very angry and running out of the crate, chasing Garland out the buffet.

"BUT IT WORKED LAST TIME!!!!!"

Mystel reminded, "But last time you killed a duckling with your foot, and Brooklyn nearly chased you off a bridge."

"I hope he gets what he deserves, then." Brooklyn stated.

An announcer (Blader DJ/DJ Jazzman) stood on the stage, "And now, for your very special presentation, MINGMING!!!"

Mystel complained, "I have skills too, but everybody loves her because she sings better than me. I CAN DEFY GRAVITY!!!! WHAT'S BETTER?! THAT OR SOME STUPID NOISE?!"

A gasp went through the crowd of Mingming fans. Kenny growled too and took out a grenade.

With that, the masked blonde was chased out of the buffet, by many, many angry Mingming fans.

Mingming pouted, "Damn! Now who's going to listen to me?!?!"

Suddenly, Olivier came running from the kitchen, "Sorry to intterrupt your pouting, friends, but I sincerely regret the fact that the stove has just erupted in unpleasant flames."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" A redhead came running out in a very OOC manner, stopped, dropped, and rolled, he was on fire.

Everybody else fell down in laughter, and Kai couldn't help but to just crack a smirk.  
  
"Fine. How'd you like going on fire?" Tala taunted, then lit Kai's back.  
  
"....." Kai twitched. His back still burning.

Takao yelled, "HEY EVERYBODY! Let's roast marshmellows on Kai's back!!!"

"Hn." Kai said softly and walked into the washroom.  
666666666666666666666666666  
Outside, the people that were chased out, or kicked out stood there peeking through the windows.

"I can't believe they kicked me out, how embarrassing." Rei muttered.

Garland growled, "Well I officially hate cows, I'll eat them if I have to!"

"Mmm. Cows taste good. So do pigs, and a lot fo other meat stuff," responded Rei happily.

Mystel peered in harder, "Hey, the kitchen's on fire."

"WHAT?! But Mr. Fluffy-kins is in there! ACK!" Garland yelled and ran back in.

"What's up with him?" Rei asked.

Mystel answered, "oh, a certain special thing of his..."

"Hi." A finger tapped the two boy's shoulders.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Mystel and Rei fainted of the shock.

Mariam frowned, "I can't go anywhere without idiots making attention." She stepped over them and left.  
666666666666666666666666  
Kai walked out of the washroom, and saw an abandoned puppy in the kitchen.

_What is that animal doing in there? People have no respect for dogs....  
_

Kai grabbed the puppy and walked out of the kitchen. As quick as the speed of lgiht, Garland ran into the kitchen.

"WHERE IS IT?! WHERE IS IT?!" He panicked, searched everyone, but coughed of the smoke inhalation.

He quickly grabbed what he found, a brown book, "AH! MR. FLUFFY-KINS!! let me NEVER leave you alone again! MY BROWN BOOK!!"

666666666666666666666

The wind blew harder. The fainted ones awoke to see them abandoned there, because the buffet read 'closed'. They, however saw a police car behind the buffet and heard a lot of sirens. They could hear faint screams and maniacal laughter. They also noticed their wallets were empty and assume each other stole it, however, if was just a hobo pickpocketer.

"YOU STOLE MY MONEY!! Hey! EVEN MY Driver's License is gone!!!" Mystel accused.  
  
Rei spat back, "ME?!?! I DID NOT! YOU DID! And since when did you know how to drive?!?!"

"Uhh, ehehe, forget I said that and I will try to find your money," chuckled Mystel nervously.

"Woooooooo..."

"What was that?" Rei said.

"Wooooooooo...I be's a ghooooost."

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! A GHOST!!!!" They both jumped and grabbed each other, scared out of their pants!  
  
.....literally....

"HAHAHAHA! Bunny underwear?!?! HAHAHA!!!"

"Wooooo....this ghost is still here....."

"Uh, Rei, why'd you grab me?"

"Well why'd you grab me?!?!"

"AHHHH!!!!!" They both yelled, let go and ran the other direction.

6666666666666666666  
Meanwhile, Maxie and Takao were seperated from the others.

"It's all dark, Takao! Darkness is very scary." Max said.

Takao twitched, "It would've been better if I was to be able to eat at that damned buffet. I hate BEGA!"

They suddenly ran into Garland.

"AAAHHHHH!! PERSON!!!!" And all of them ran opposite directions from each other.

Max exhaled slowly and then clamed down, "That was scary, a person holding a book. Must be EVIL!!!!"

_Wait, a book? THE BOOK MUST'VE HAD EVIL SPELLS AND STUFFS! What if theyput a spell on MEEE?!?! Oh my god! I MUST DO SOMETHING BUT WHAT?!!!! Ahhhhh!!!_

The young blonde started running into the wall countless times of panic.

6666666666666666666  
Tala walked around. Mystel was supposed to drive him home and now, broke, the cyber enchanced, the guy was stuck there.

_Note to self: NEVER trust blondes.  
_

Tala turned a corner and saw a couple of people. Kenny and Brooklyn. Kenny was threatening a bird with a knife and Brooklyn was screaming at him like crazy. Suddenly, all three of them heard a spooky voice.

"Hello! :3 I be's a ghost!"

"AHHHHHH!!! HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!" The three tried to run but they were paralysed!

"Hehe. Play with me!!!!"

"I don't have time for your stupid games. I'm leaving." Tala said.

"Not like you CAn leave! but I will let you go if you play with me! HEEHEE!!!" The ghost giggled.

Kenny frowned, "Like what? Hunting birds?"

"HEY!!" Brooklyn yelled, so wanting to move to strangle Kenny into pieces.

"No, silly!!! We play DRESS UP!!!"

"DRESS UP!!!" All the boys yelled in unison.

"YEP! Here, wear this pretty dress Brookie!!!!" The ghost yelled and stuck a pink frilly dress on Brooklyn.

Brooklyn cried, "No! My sanity will leave me because of this! No! Sanity! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE!!!!"

"From the looks of it, it seems like they DID leave already." Kenny noticed.

"SANITY!!! I MUST CONFESS!!! I LOVE YOU!!! I'm sorry I lost you when battling Takao! I'M SO SORRY SANITY!!!!!"

"Ok...can we please move on?"

The ghost frowned, "Yeah, Tala, you get to wear one of my favourites! A HILARY SKIRT!!!!"

"AAAAAAAACCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

And thus, ends my first chapter of....  
"The Girly Stalker"  
"You PUT me in a HILARY skirt?!?!" Tala yelled.

Is it so wrong?  
Yes, please review, read, and enjoy it all!!!


	2. Darn Fuggernuts!

Ok, many of you may think I'm lazy for not updating in a while, truth is, there's like 5 versions of the 2nd chapter of Girly Stalker, hopefully, this will make it to the "decent" list.

Also there's school, evil, evil school.

Warning of small hints of Yaoi. Well it's different in this chapter; we have a little bit more of the Yaoi…

Please enjoyth!!  
(If I owned this Anime, I'd be rich, I'd be famous, I'd be out of before you can say apples and bananas!)  
(Note: There are random yaoi hints!)  
-----------------------  
Chapter 2….th: Education is WISE.

Moses and his sister, Monica, were walking on the sidewalk one fine night. Of course, you'd all think why the hell WOULD people be walking in the middle of the night in dangerous Tokyo!!  
DON'T ASK ME!!!!

"Monica! Want some ice cream?!"

"Um, but it's….3am, why would ice cream stores be open?"

"ACK! YOU ARE UNFORTUNATELY CORRECT!! To make you happy, I shall just break this glass, grab the ice cream and leave some change on the counter. It's nice, it's wise, and glass hurts people so I did a right thing."

Monica gave him a weird face, of shockness, of discrimination, of-

"I'm gasping, you dumb narrator."

Anyway, they went and got ice cream and continued walking, why? I don't know, I'm just narrating.  
MEANWHILE…

"You know, I actually don't look too bad in this." Yuriy confessed.

Kenny sighed, "That's what you say to every single thing you wear, whether it be teddy-bear underwear or mud."

Yuriy shouted, "MUD?!?!? NO!! MUD WRECKS MY BEAUTIFUL COSTUME!!! MY WONDROUS OUTFIT!! THE PURE WHITENESS!! Heck, I even killed birds because they seemingly like using it as a toilet! This is war! THIS IS THE BATTLE OF THE FUTURE!! DECIDING-"

"Did you say you killed birds? Birds are my only friends, because they're the only animal that don't seem to run away from me…" Brooklyn said.

"Yeah, they FLY away from you." Kenny stated.

"Yuriy, you have broken the 10 commandments!! FOR THAT YOU SHALL-"

Yuriy winced, afraid of what this crazy guy who was in love with sanity would do next.

"FOR THAT YOU SHALL…be my best friend!!!"

"What?"

"Oh Yuriy, you're such a fibber, redheads don't kill birds…"

Yuriy pushed off his confusion to sigh in relief. The good thing was that Brooklyn wouldn't kill him…

"Ah yes, I remember when I was young, there weren't many redheads back then. So many brunettes and blondes, throwing rocks at me, I was so angry, but now, because there is another redhead in the world, you comfort me!" Brooklyn explained, putting an arm around Yuriy's shoulder.

Kenny looked, with a WTF face.

"Wow Brooklyn, I never knew you were so…"

"So what?"

Kenny interrupted, "So stupid? It clearly looks like he's lying, I mean, he loves birds, and if he just automatically accepts you, because you're a damn redhead, then it makes no sense!!"

"BRUNETTES ARE EVIL!!!" Yuriy and Brooklyn yelled in unison, they both chucked rocks at Kenny (no offence, XD)

So 2 boys in skirts and dresses chucked stones at another boy, who was also in a dress.

"I go for a washroom break and they start chucking rocks! HEY! GHOST HERE!!" The ghost yelled.

Everybody ignored the ghost, too busy either running or chucking. It seemed that they no longer feared the ghost, since chucking rocks is funner.

In another place, 5 blocks from there…

Maxie was running through a large tunnel. Inside was many cars driving back and forth outside and inside. Glimmering lights lined the walls of the round-shaped tunnel. It was ridiculously narrow between the walls and cars, so I don't recommend fat people to go there.

Max started waving his arm like wild, a car stopped in front of him. There was only 2 lanes though, so the cars behind it nearly crashed.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" The man yelled.

"I'M YOUR FELLOW HITCHIKER! Can you take me to Florida please?!"

(Random desperate Quote of the Day(it's random because it appeared out of nowhere!!): "I have yet to see your true face, in your locked up body")

The man growled, he slammed the door hard. The door caught Max's shirt though, and dragged him off like a rag doll. So now they're going to Florida!

Well, then it started to snow. We all know snow is good, except for drivers and llamas. So, they started skidding, and skidded off the bridge, into the freezing water, half frozen into ice.

Then that car floated all the way to Florida, which strangely was hailing. The hail was as large as pineapples, and as spiky as them. The car got many dents and flipped onto a cruise ship. The cruise ship went down a waterfall and into an iceberg. Wolborg appeared and froze the whole thing, then broke it. The pieces evaporated and then rained onto Tokyo, where we see Maxie again.

Suddenly, a feather fell on Max, and then Max fell down and fainted.At another place, at another time, trying to prevent some crimes is Kon Rei, with a dime!

"Mr. Dime, I need your help." Rei said. The dime shined with glee.

The dime than rusted a bit. Rei frowned, "C'mon, one last time!!!"

The dime flipped over.

"Ok, fine, you can have my socks; have ALL my socks! I don't even WEAR socks! What is it with you and socks?! Socks are cool, like sock puppets, but sock puppets are ugly and-"

The dime quickly created a sock puppet, and started talking with some emotion, because it created a body for itself.

"OH MY GOD!! A SOCK PUPPET! RUNNN!!! MR. DIME TURNED EBIL!!!" Rei paused before he ran, then faced the readers. (I broke the fourth wall, sue meh, XP) "Which is why you should always eat Uncontrollable's Fuggernutty Cereal! Low in calories and high in sugar! FUGGERNUTTY CEREAL! Now, back to your scheduled program…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Around the other corner, was Mystel gasping for breath. He peered into an electronics store, where he saw a flashing light. The flashing light happened to be on a Christmas Tree…2 weeks late.

"Oh my God! What IS that?! Could it be the passage way to Noah's Ark? The meaning of life? My old 7 year old sandwich?!?!":

BEEEEEEEP!!!

A loud sound came from the security system and Mystel's curiosity overwhelmed as he broke the glass of the store window.

Dozens of police cars immediately drove up to the store, ignoring the burning house across the street and the explosion beside the store.

"Please stand back, and remain calm! Stand back from the blinking light!"

Mystel looked at the 'thing' the cop spoke into. It made his voice louder and clearer.

"Egyptian curses have bestowed you, ebil cop! Your voice has been altered, it is louder, because of that sacrab-like evil thing of Cleopatra the 7th!!"

"Stop it with your nonsensical nonsense jibberish and step back from the light!!"

"IT AHS DOEN IT AGAIN! I shall save your worthless live!!" Mystel whacked the megaphone from the cop's hand…

Which eventually led him in a prison cell.

Somewhere else, on the other side of the town, Garland held his book closely to him. The book was brown; it was titled "The Brown Book". Strangely, there's 599 blank pages, and the 600th one, the last, had a "this book is brown" on it. A dog walked up to Garland and growled at him, Garland, being a tad bit overprotective growled like a lion back. The dog whimpered and ran away…

Suddenly, the thunder roared, the lightning gave seizures, and Mr. Sun took a vacation. Snow started falling, along with hail. A piece of hail chipped a bit of the paint on the cover of the brown book off, setting a wildfire in the forest!

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

The book was dropped onto the ground. Some veal came and chewed it up to pieces. The boy stared at the pieces and peered into the cemetery. It was a full cemetery, filled with old war victims.

In order to bury this book, Garland must dig up a body!!!!

"I shall dig up a body, due to the fact that it is full and my book must be respected!"

So Garland dug, where eh dug had no gravestone, but he knew there was a body under there. The bodies' had no coffin's, and stunk like Takao's toilet juice. Garland continued to dig in the freezing cold.

"What the hell are you doing?!?!" A voice said, it was girlish, but firm and demanding.

"Away with you, vile voice! I have business to do with the Grim Reaper!" Garland announced.

The voice growled, "Eh! That's my body you're digging up! You interrupted me from trying to stop bishies in dressies throwing rocks at nerds because you're touching my personal body!!!"

"Well, now that it's out of the depressing ground with the ugly blind moles, you will live a fully witty life! Now I am quite in the need of digging!"

"I was underground a lot of times, I always wanted to see the surface! But when I did, I died in a twister- "

"OMG! YOU'RE KAI'S SISTER?!?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!!" Garland screamed, obviously mishearing what the ghost said.

"NO YOU IDIOT!!! I DIED in a TWISTER!!! So if you dig me up, my biggest fears will come! But if you leave me there, I will be trapped, dreaming of life forever!!!!" The ghost shrieked. It broke some gravestones, enabling more spirits to be freed.

Garland said, "Well, you SOUND like Kai's sister…"

"I have no siblings! Though my last name IS Hiwatari, but that's none of your darn fuggernutted business!"

"Fuggernutted?! You like Fuggernutty Cereal too?! OH MY GOSH!! Nobody I knew liked it because it tended to go out of control and splat on your face!!!" Garland yelled, screaming like a crazy fangirl at the same time.

The ghost screamed, "OH MY GOSH! Fuggernutty Cereal is like, THE BEST! We shall spread it to the world, by feeding everybody FUGGERNUTTED CEREAL!!!"

"WOOHOO!!!" They both yelled and ran off. The brown book twitched however. A small spirit emerged from it, "Have your little fun, girls, for one day, Fuggernutty Cereal will be closed down. It caused my death. It banished me into a stupid brown book, but now…I shall have my revenge!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Then the wind blew the spirit into a pit. Which had water that pushed the spirit 3000 miles away in Florida!!

In another place in Antarctica, where Uncontrollable Inc.'s official factory was, the boss was but a small shadow in a cold lonely office…

The shadow revealed itself. There it was, an evil piercing teddy bear made of straw. Uncontrollable Inc. made ANYTHING, but with one special trait.

It was uncontrollable, but only when you use/eat/some other verb it. The teddy bear had other plans though. He will soon make everything go out of control and doom the doomed world!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

"I'll kill the narrator first, for announcing my plans.. " The teddy bear said.

YOU HOMOPHONE!!

"Homo-what?! I'm not a phone, or a homo-err human,. I AM A TEDDY BEAR!!!"

Homophone is an insult. It means you are as useful as a phone and as dumb as a human.

Anyway, to drift back into the story and away from my threats against Mr. Stupid teddy bear, we see Kai heading north.

"Stupid idiots, keep thinking there's a candy cane marked the North pole. I'll just go there myself, take a picture and prove to them that there isn't one. So that they won't be so stubborn about crap like this anymore."

Kai took his jet and headed North. 5 seconds later, Kai landed.

"See? No candy cane just…."

Instead, there was a military base, marked, "S.A.N.T.A" on it.

"Suckers Assassinating Nobles of Texas and Arizona"

There and then Kai saw a candy cane behind it. There was a switch on it, meaning the candy cane must've been a disguise for a big nuclear missile.

"I hate it when I'm wrong. Which is why I have to be right."

Kai aimed his jet's rockets at it, and Kai, single-handingly, saved the world from stupid losers!

Then the world exploded, The End.  
…and then it remade itself from it's remains. It started with some little bacteria, into some early animals, into the dinosaurs, that came and went. Soon after, mammoths, saber toothed tigers came and went. Human's appeared yet again. They evolved into homo sapiens. Learning how to farm. Early famous people like the Egyptians and the Romans came and went. King John signed the Magna Carta, and the whole world went déjà vu again. Then,, a little baby was born named Kai Hiwatari, who became the world champion, got beaten by Takao, became a team captain, won the world championships with his team. Takao remained the champion. They went to a buffet, it went on fire, then everybody ran off doing weird things, Kai came to the North Pole to see if a candy cane was there, and saw S.A.N.T.A…

"Senators Against Nudes Terrorizing Aliens"

This time Kai did not blow it up. He walked off like usual.

Now who would save the world from the evil ninja senators?

Takao sighed and lay on the cold ground. He stared over the rocks he was behind. Over there was a small ticking machine like thing. Knowing Takao, eh wouldn't know what it is. Knowing us, we'd figure it's a bomb. The bomb then imploded itself…

it affected Dragoon like no other! NOW DRAGOON IS…THE OSCAR MEYER WEINER!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
To Be Continued…  
---------------------------  
Wow, I introduced a lot of evil bad enemies today. Heh, this was fun writing…heyhey! Yuriy's back!!

"Now, I wonder who sent me to Florida by mail?! I HAD TO SURVIVE ON CARDBOARD AND AIRPLANE AIR!!!! "

"….Santa is evil…"

Yuriy turned around and heard a familiar blonde with a familiar knife…

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"

R&R people! Review, review, review! No flames, if I need any criticism, it is welcomed, but I don't feel like any right now because homework is evil and so is Santa.


End file.
